Then He Died

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“The risk of love is loss and the price of loss is grief. But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.” — Hilary Stanton Zunin
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Almost a year now, exactly a year next Tuesday. It’s still so hard to believe. We were supposed to get old, together though on separate tracks, like two trains running parallel. I actually thought this though of course we were no longer a ‘we’ but a they, which is a we that once…
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Mom turned 84 yesterday, we talked on the phone for a good long while. She told me about their trip out to the apple farm where she and dad bought all kinds of goodies like a couple of little kids - cheesy crab dip and blueberry jam and a little bag of caramel popcorn and ten…
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Your mom called to tell me, R is selling the old farmhouse. She wanted to know if I wanted our old wedding album and a box of old pictures. Then there is the matter of our furniture from the last two places we lived. I kept some but the rest was shipped out to the old family…
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P. got together with three friends for your shared birthday celebration and they all shared memories. The picture M. sent hurt my heart, your absence…
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This time last year I had my phone with me at all times, and carried an extra charger. I checked it every time a notification came in. I’m sure it…
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After a few weeks of thinking every once in awhile, hmm, I haven’t cried or felt sad in awhile maybe that part is behind me, and with sleeping through…
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Right after I think I’m moving to some new phase the old waves circles back to swamp me, slamming me into the surf with a mouthful of sand as if to warn…
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I haven’t been crying as much. I think I’m getting over losing you. I don’t think you’d mind. Today I went for a motorcycle ride, pillion behind my…
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Today is your birthday, the first turn around the sun you were not here to see the completion of. I sent letters to your mom, your wife, and P…
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Last night I pulled a box down from the top shelf of the hall closet, where I keep all my hats. Digging through all the soft wool, I found two old…
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When I wrote to you two years and one month ago, we hadn’t spoken in awhile. I was in a bad place, having recently lost my income and a longtime friend…
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Then He Died

This is my grief journal.
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Then He Died

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